A Russian man claimed that Fallout 4 is “too addictive” and thus destroyed his job and marriage, AND the game should come with a warning label. He is suing Bethesda and a Russian company for his “emotional distress.”

According to the article:

He regularly skipped work, which resulted in his employers firing him. He stopped meeting up and speaking with friends, and his wife left him. His health also started to deteriorate as he was not sleeping or eating.

“If I knew that this game could have become so addictive, I would have become a lot more wary of it. I would not have bought it, or I would have left it until I was on holiday or until the New Year holidays,” a statement from the man read.

While many people see this as yet another frivolous lawsuit, I say he’s right!

Fallout 4 SHOULD come with a warning label.

As should EVERYTHING ELSE enjoyable in life.

Don’t believe me, here’s just a tiny list of the enjoyable things in life and how they can destroy you!

AN INCOMPLETE LIST OF THINGS THAT SHOULD COME WITH WARNING LABELS

Cookies — may make you fat and give you diabetes.

Ice Cream — (see “Cookies.”)

Pretty Much Every Food That’s Yummy — (see “Cookies.”)

TV — perhaps the most addictive of all time wasting devices. In small amounts, it can be entertaining and even inspiring. But too much can lead to shows like Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

Books, movies, Netflix — equally addicting as Fallout 4. Ever binge watch a whole season in a weekend and then wake up Monday morning to realize you haven’t showered since Friday?

Kittens and puppies — while adorable and fun to own, pets can lead to a house full of chewed up stuff, carpet destroyed by pee, poop, and barf. And let’s not even get to the medical bills you’ll need to keep your pet alive, at costs which rival the national debt.

Facebook, email, and social media — all of these are KNOWN to deliver drug-like dopamine hits which create addiction and can: lead to a loss of productivity, destroy relationships, and cause spiraling bouts obnoxious political postings/ anger/ jealousy/ shame, etc…

Sex — can lead to children … who become people (see “People” below).

People — are wildly unpredictable. All Most people are headaches you need to manage in careful orchestrations of white lies and subtle manipulation to manage their feelings, temperaments, and expectations. (Why can’t everyone just be like YOU and ME, Dear Reader?) And you never know when one of them will be like that dude from Silence of the Lambs that says, “It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.”

Love — love is addictive. It can lead to disappointment, depression, and incessant consumption of ice cream (see “Ice Cream”). It can also lead to obsession, which can lead to stalking celebrities and shooting them to “impress” the target of your affection. (see John Hinckley/ Jodie Foster)

Family — (See “People”) can lead to exposure to yet even more people (and their friends and their friends’ families, does it ever end?) Can also lead to years of expensive therapy.

Sports — like people, sports is wildly unpredictable, and can lead to extreme mood swings, drunken brawls, depression, gambling, and perhaps worst of all, can lead you to OTHER PEOPLE wanting to come to your house to watch sports with you!

So, yes, let’s slap a warning label on E V E R Y T H I N G!!

What would YOU like to see a warning label on? Leave your answer in the comments.

Join the conversation! 9 Comments

  1. Crossfit, fitbits, and coffee! 😉

    Reply
  2. Christmas should come with a warning label.

    Kids
    “Be prepared to catch Santa when he falls off your roof. He is heavy. You will be crushed and all your presents.”

    Adults
    “This holiday may lighten your pocket book and tip your scale unless you exercise self control. See David Wright’s Cookie warning label. Do not climb on your roof pretending to be Santa.”

    General Public
    “Christmas shares a time of year with many other holidays and you may stumble into traditions other than your own. Being offended with be very much not in the festival spirit and may rash irrational phobia and self-induced stress.”

    Oh, and puppies. We should put warning labels on puppies, because they grow up and eat slippers and then look at us with big, sad eyes and we can’t get angry. That’s why no one buys puppies. 🙂

    Reply
  3. anymore…if you can ‘think it’ the vultures, AKA attorneys will come…

    Reply
  4. Life.

    *WARNING* This life is filled with pitfalls and unpredictable downward spirals, fits of euphoria, and general ennui. Do not attempt to navigate unsupervised.

    Reply
  5. Lmao, great post!

    Nothing to add except a bumper sticker idea: Warning! Disappointment Ahead.

    Reply
  6. WARNING: Life Is a terminal disease.

    Reply

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About David W. Wright

Writer, cartoonist, one of the Kings of the Serial with co-author, Sean Platt. Together we've written the #1 horror and #1 sci-fi bestselling post-apocalyptic series, Yesterday's Gone, the sci-fi horror series, WhiteSpace, and the dark fantasy series, ForNevermore. Check out our stuff at http://collectiveinkwell.com

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gaming, Rant

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