My stomach is growling. My leg is shaking. I keep looking around for something I can’t find. I can’t think straight.
I feel like an addict going through withdrawals, eager for a fix.
Except the drug isn’t heroin, crack, or any number of pills. It’s Captain Crunch…
and ice cream.
and white bread.
and all the other sweetened, processed foods that make up my diet.
I’ve given them all up for February.
Well, at least that’s the plan.
I’ve only been awake a few hours, and I already feel like I’ve been stranded in the woods for weeks, with nothing but berries and animal dung for sustenance. I am NOT that rugged dude on the reality show who gets dropped in the middle of nowhere and thrives on nothing but his wiles and whatever he kills. I am the opposite of him.
Pretty pathetic, eh? I am a sad, fat man.
WHAT AM I DOING?
I wouldn’t even be doing this if I weren’t challenged by Sean Platt, my writing partner, a healthy bastard, who likes to
torture himself do a “system reboot” every February where he gives up sugar and processed junk for the full month. He suggested I do the same, because hey, misery loves company.
And how did he pitch it?
“You’ll feel like hell for the first two weeks!”
“You’ll be cranky, your stomach will be growling, and you’ll wish you were dead.”
Sweet, and I can do this for FREE?!
“But… after that, you’ll feel better than you ever felt in your life! You’ll have all this energy, and you’ll be crazy productive.”
I was hoping Sean would forget that he challenged me to do this with him. Because let’s face it, my diet is that of an eight year old with a credit card and access to the grocery store to get WHATEVER HE WANTS WHENEVER HE WANTS IT!
Want pizza for breakfast? Go ahead.
Cookies for lunch? Why not?
A pre-dinner dinner of chicken nuggets? Hell yeah!
Two bowls of ice cream for a late night snack? Who’s gonna stop you?
I’m used to eating good (the stuff most people call junk) food whenever I want without a whole lot of thought of what it’s doing.
But hovering (no blimp pun intended) around 350 pounds, this can’t go on forever. I’m 6’4” so thankfully, I look more like an out-of-shape former linebacker than a guy who simply hates veggies. Not that I’m sure out-of-shape linebacker looks all that more impressive, or any different from, an out-of-shape couch potato.
But the reality is, I NEED to get in shape. I’ve needed to for many years. I have a 4 year old and a wife who I want to be around for.
So, thankfully, Sean’s wife, Cindy, called me out, challenged me too, and even sent me a list of foods and a sample diet based on foods they knew I liked.
And today, the
hell diet “system reboot” begins.
Here’s what I’m eating today.
Breakfast – banana, one spoon of natural peanut butter, whole wheat toast, at least 4g proteinLunch: Sliced Turkey deli style as much as you want and one piece of wheat bread and tomato soup. NO CRACKERS no WHITE FOOD : )Dinner: Turkey Tacos (without the actual shell that makes it a taco!!). Ground Turkey, Taco seasoning, shredded cheese, black beans, corn. Applesauce with Cinnamon or sliced apples with cinnamon and lemon juice. Add Stevia and all natural sweetener to it if it helps.
I’ll likely be adding another banana for a snack before bed if my blood sugar is low, but that’s it. That’s what I’m eating today.
If that seems appealing to you, congratulations, you skinny bastard. To me, it looks as appealing as eating cardboard. In fact, I think cardboard might taste better, given my cat’s penchant for chewing on it.
I look at that menu and see only what it isn’t. All the good food.
It’s gonna be a looooong month…
If I can stick to it.
Do I sound defeated already? Like someone ready to throw in the towel after a few hours? Yeah. But I’m gonna push myself. Because as much as I am a slave to my cravings for sweets, I am also a logical person who sees this as something I should be able to master. After all, I control me. My cravings don’t control me. I decide what I put in my mouth, not my out-of-control Captain Crunch obsessed inner child.
I’ll just keep giving myself that little pep talk and hope I can believe it.
Oh shit, I just realized the Super Bowl is this Sunday. A Super Bowl without pizza, chips, dips, oh hell no!
I think I’m gonna go cry now.
To be continued…
Can YOU give up sugar and junk foods for a month? Have you? Share your story or nightmare below.
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David Wright is the co-author of the post-apocalyptic serial thriller series Yesterday’s Gone, now in its second season! Get Episode 1 for free at Amazon. Or get the full first season here. Follow him at Twitter at @thedavidwwright
Learn to like more than seven foods and eat your vegetables!!! 🙂
You just have to train yourself, dude. You’re better than your habits.
Hey, I can’t help it if I’m LOYAL to my food and not some food whore who will eat anything! 🙂
Why February? That’s the start of Girl Scout Cookie season! The torture!
Because Sean is a big meanie. 🙂
Dude! Tough it out, you big girl’s blouse!
Come on!! Don’t let Sean win. Beat him at his own game. Sure he’s handsome and smart, but we all know you’re the brains behind the outfit. You are the puppet master. Don’t let him beat you!!
I like the sound of your diet, I want to eat it all, except I’ll wait all day and then devour it between 5 and 6pm.
Do it Dave, and then I can tell you how awesome you are and what a lovely thick mane of hair you’ve got. Come on buddy!! ROAR like a lion!!
Wow, so much flattery and creepiness in one comment. That’s one way to curb my appetite. 🙂
Sean has way more self control than me. He said he actually thrives on the feeling of pain when he’s hungry! WHAT KIND OF MONSTER IS HE?! Sadomasochist! I can’t beat that! My only competition here is myself, the Fat Dave, who whispers sweet sugared nothings into my ear, telling me to go find the Halloween candy.
If I can get past that, I can do it.
thanks, everyone for the encouragement, and not posting pictures of cakes and such.
I get where Sean is coming from. I too laugh in the face of hunger pains. They’re just trying to trick me into eating, but I’m not going to fall for it. No way!
Keep at it and don’t beat yourself up too much (because I’d like to throw a few punches in! HA!) because it takes time to adapt.
Go Dave, go!!
You can do it David. Sean is right, it is hard but the rewards far out weigh (pun intended) the discomfort. I did this in 2007 and literally became half the person I use to be. It was glorious, and I felt amazing. Unfortunately, it lasted only a couple of years and then I lost my job and went through some crap that resulted in a big old wallowing in self pity fest which included eating crap. So, I’m back to Michelle X2 and am about to start this along with you. I’m cheering for both of us but in a very cranky way.
I sooo wanted to reply to the Goners newsletter when I read this!
Dude, you guys are going to be my poster children for next month! LOL (Next month is my clean eating focus on the blog).
I’m all over my Productive Creatives and trying to encourage whole/clean eating, exercise (GASP) and a gambit of other tools necessary to be clear and focused toward our goals. My problem is: I eat like YOU! Well, I try not to…very often. (I totally relate to your kid with a credit card remark!!) Then, the kids came along and I refused to feed them the way I was fed.
Sooo, my point is change is possible and to really reap…wait…off the soapbox (sorry!). I want you to do this so you can come and post about how wonderful you feel and how you’re never going back to Capt Crunch again! LOL
Seriously, if you want to kick yourself in the arse add some fitness in there and you’ll feel like an IN-shape linebacker by the end of Feb!
All the best!! (I wanted to share what I had today, but I won’t:) :p
Ok..I’m.with.ya..only I’m doing it as a 52 days of discipline ugh..its ends on march 4, my bDAy ironironically lol…NO CARBS. NO SUGAR…no processed foods…how am I doing? At first it sucked..I was tired..nauseated and felt like I was being starved to death lol…it gets better everyday and the weight is falling off..now I am doing zumba and walking as well…I’m hoping I can shed at least 20 lbs by my bday..I am about 40 lbs overweight…stick with it and step on the scale everyday for encouragement…many hugs and I look forward to reading your updates
Thanks, Bobbie. Sorry, I missed your comment and didn’t get it approved right away. 52 days! EEK! I thought a month was scary. I hear you on the tired and icky feeling — I felt very crappy on day 1 and 2. But as I’m on my 7 day now, I’m feeling much better about my prospects. Best of luck to you and thanks for commenting.